Soooo.... how'd that work out?

There's this phenomena that I experience every time I get off stage of... how to put it gently... utter disappointment. I don't know what it is, if it's my body coming off an endorphin high or just the product of a freshly crushed ego, but I always get off stage thinking I did an absolutely atrocious job. I usually can't shake the feeling until I've listened to the audio back at home and hear some of the laughter that somehow didn't quite register while I was on stage. That said, my immediate impression of myself is always much worse than the actual performance, but even still, it's a humbling experience to put yourself through that on such a regular basis.

Now, I'm not going to pretend that my set last night brought the house down or even was near the top of the showcase list. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I was one of the last comics to go on, and it was nearing the end of a full 2 hour show that went through 5 or 6 showcase comics, then the headliner, Edwin San Juan, and then 5 more showcase comics. The comic right before me, though a good friend, got a little ranty and I saw the already waning post-headliner audience get even slimmer. I fortunately had a small posse of friends who stuck around to see me perform, but the crowd was limp and tired of laughing.

The saddest part of it all was that I gave what was probably my best performance yet (I know, I say that every time), but to a Monday night audience that had already given all it had to the comics before. Luckily, I've become an expert at finding the grins and nodding heads in skimpy crowds, and replacing them with belly laughs in my head. I'm not sure if I'm going to post the video from last night. A buddy recorded it, but didn't hit record all the way so the first 2 jokes (which, in retrospect, were probably not that funny) didn't make it on there. It's an embarrassingly quiet crowd, though, and since I occasionally point friends to my YouTube results to get a sense of my comedy, I might just leave this developmental step off of the public list. As painful as it may've been, I still walked away a better comic than when I came in.